As many do around this time of year, I find myself going through a process of reflecting on areas of my life and setting some targets for improvement. Indeed I have much to think about in this regard (just ask my wife), but in addition to the typical new year’s resolutions like paying closer attention to my health or enhancing some aspect of my professional development, I’ve also been taking some time to think about how I might be a better parent.
As my daughters get older, I’m realizing more and more that I need to adjust my parenting strategies to complement their own personal growth and development. Specifically, I’ve come to recognize that I may need to rethink the balance between being permissive and being restrictive, especially with respect to my eldest child who will soon turn 10.
I read an op-ed piece over the break that highlighted examples of what the writer categorized as overly intrusive and reactive legislation implemented by schools in response to minor playground mishaps or rigid adherence to existing policy. Such examples included a Toronto public school that banned playing with all types of sports balls in its playground after a parent was hit with a soccer ball and a principal in Waterloo who banned hugging as part of the school’s “Keep your hands to yourself” policy.
In addition to pointing out some misguided decisions by school administrators, the author of the article also touted the benefits of allowing kids to monitor their own behaviour to a certain degree. “They say the best lessons kids get [are] when they’re on their own and let themselves alone – they learn self-regulation, which allows them not to be impulsive, not do what you want all the time. That’s what teachers are always begging kids to show a little of,” she said, adding that recess teaches them teamwork, creativity and how to dust themselves off when they fall. (“Year in Ideas: The Risks of Overprotective School Policies,” National Post, Dec. 28, 2011)
Taking risks and learning from failure is a crucial part of growing up and if we as parents operate in the same fashion as the schools cited above, our overly controlling or intrusive behaviour will have a great impact on the natural maturation process for our children.
As loving parents, we all want our children to be safe and hope that they accomplish much success in all that they do. Thus, from this perspective, it may seem a little odd that one would resolve to step back a bit and support their kids more from the sidelines. However, taking this approach doesn’t imply that we need to be less involved. Instead, as our kids get older, we need to think about shifting the point of our involvement. Rather than making decisions for them or directing their behaviour in certain situations, allowing them to take ownership of their social experiences and debriefing the learning from doing so with them afterwards, especially when things don’t turn out the way they planned, is a great way to make meaningful connections and an integral part in the development of character.
Good luck with all of your resolutions.
Wishing you and your family a happy and prosperous new year.
Thanks for reading,
Scott
Great Article Scott . Completely agree.